I get worked up about it. Sometimes a little too much.
Sometimes I get a little pushy, upset, in your face.(not my strong suit, I know)
Since the moment I moved to Cambodia, I see injustice
EVERYDAY.
One of the greatest lessons I've learned is to look at it
through a cultural lens, through their shoes. Some people don't know any
different so why should I expect them to know justice, or love, or forgiveness
when they themselves have never seen or received it? If the police are corrupt
why would I expect them to seek out justice in the law? If injustice has
happened in your family, to your neighbors, and to most people that you know -
then why do I expect you to be as shocked as I?
I've learned to have realistic expectations. This by NO
means excuses injustice. But by having a real perspective, I believe it allows
me to serve better, pray better and deal better.I try to have this perspective with every
situation I encounter.
But today was DIFFICULT.
I found out something that made me feel physically ill. It
made me want to get up and scream at the top of my lungs, "THIS ISN'T RIGHT"
Rape. What does this mean for its victim? In most countries,
when a person is raped, you can pursue action with the authorities. (I know
that in some countries, the burden of proof can be an issue but stay with me).
The current law in Cambodia states that criminal charges can
be filed against the perpetrator and compensation can be given to the victim. Often
the public does not know this law, because that is not usually how it goes
down.
What typically happens is the victim or their family will
seek out compensation and if they don't receive "JUSTICE" they will then go to
the authorities.
Then if the perpetrator has money he can bribe officials and
make sure the case never goes to court. If he doesn't have money he will
usually give some compensation to the victim, but he will still never go to
court, because the victim has received at least something.
Meaning compensation REPLACES sentencing or EQUALS justice.
Compensation FROM the perpetrator! If a victim requests money after being raped,
OR their family does, this is seen as justice. The perpetrator can get out of
going to court BECAUSE they were PAID. They bought the sex. The rape has been
purchased.
But there is more. UGH, there is more. What often happens and
is mostly seen as "ideal" is that the perpetrator will offer to marry his
victim. To be offered to marry your perpetrator is viewed as the best case
scenario because it is better to be married to the man that raped you than to
be raped and unwed. Once you are raped, you are seen as ruined goods. A victim
would rather be later divorced by the man or make an attempt to love him. This
is accepted by society. This is ideal.
WHATTTTTTTT
THIS is justice!?!? Unwanted sex forced upon someone is okay
as long as it is paid for afterwards? Or the action is okay because you will
marry her? That somehow excuses your behavior? How must women feel? What does
this say about their worth?
WE NEED TRUTH!
Unfortunately, I know Cambodia is not alone. I know that
many governments are unjust and "under the table" deals exist. But what does this
message send to its victims? To its people? To the men in that country? Money
is the solution? Marriage is more honorable than saying RAPE IS WRONG!? The
woman has done NOTHING wrong but this is how she is shown justice? money?
forced marriage?
WE NEED TRUTH! I know there is grace in all things but I am
so worked up Lord.
I have nowhere left to turn but to the throne of God. There
is nothing I can do but cry out:
God, your kingdom come. I know this is not your will. Take
my anger as I know it accomplishes nothing. Please be with all victims of rape
all over the world. Please stir up change here. Please Father, help us.
I pray for laws, justice and the effects it has on every man,
woman, and child. I pray for cultural things we accept BUT ARE WRONG. That
devalues individuals. I pray for accountability of laws all over the world. I
pray for truth to be spoken over victims of abuse of any kind, that they are
not ruined goods.
I pray that money wouldn't be a driving force in the world.
That we would chose to see values in individuals OVER money.
For God to encounter us and speak truth over who we are, and
how we are seen in the eyes of the Creator of the universe.
I pray for your spirit, for your justice in the government.
I give it to you Lord. Lead. Lead us all.
So if you haven't noticed, I struggle with blogging. BUT I like the idea of blogging. I love good blogs, blogs that hold my attention- so I am going to try an exercise. Blog EVERYDAY this week. This is a lofty goal for me but I'm up for the challenge.
Last weekend I went on a retreat. I got to reflect on the last year. Read a good book. Sit with the Lord. Use my left brain. Try creative outlets. I loved it.
Things I Learned:
REJOICE.
IN all that God is doing.
Not in all you are doing but what GOD is doing.
I sometimes make the mistake of only thanking him if it directly affects me but I realized the selfishness in my thankfulness.
We worship the God of the UNIVERSE. Yes I said Universe. Sit in that! He is doing amazing things all the time. But we have to have eyes to see them- aka stop looking at yourself, Meredith!
Praise him
Rejoice in the things He is doing in AND around you.
I've just been blown away with what God has allowed me to be a part of here in Cambodia. EVERYDAY I work with girls who God has redeemed and brought out of the pits of hell. Literally, where these girls come from is probably one of the closest things to it.
"Daughters has developed a unique model in Cambodia, one in which sex workers come direct to the organization from the brothels by choice. Daughters' day centre, in the heart of an area of Phnom Penh brothels, reaches out to girls working as sex workers and offers them ways out of this situation. We are not a shelter, but we facilitate the girls' exit from the sex industry by providing a number of resources and programs that enable them to set themselves free and sustain healthy choices for their own lives. They come because they are already motivated to change their lives, and Daughters gives them choice and dignity in building a different future, that make their choices sustainable and respect their human rights."
The girls have the opportunity to make money WITHOUT selling themselves by making BEAUTIFUL things in one of our six businesses!
Daughters is a faith based NGO, where the Lords name is proclaimed. All faith based services are voluntary; all of the girls have the option to come.
I love it. I love working here.
God has blessed me with the opportunity to meet these girls and work with and for them. Praise God for what He is doing at Daughters, and in the lives of each of the girls!
I watch the uprising going on in eqypt and other countries- the uprising. And they are giving all the credit to social networking. Facebook, twitter, tumblr- so these things have power is in how we use them.
How are we using this power? what are we standing for? what is your voice? How do you use your platform?
LET'S START A MOVEMENT. I don't want to raise up and start a revolution against any government. I want to start a movement of prayer- prayer for cambodia, prayer for the sex trade, prayer for salvation of all nations!!!
So wow thats kinda broad but lets start somewhere.
Seeing that I am in cambodia working with women in trafficking- this is where I will start. This could evolve I don't know. But I do know there is power in prayer. Power in the authority of Jesus Christ- I want that to be my platform. Fighting the forces of evil- keeping us entangled in sin, or abusing others, oppressed people all over the world. These are forces of evil and darkness that do exist. Join me in PRAYING.
Children. I love the little children here. The joy. Their smiles.
Everyday when I come home, my neighbors little girl is usually playing outside- she is probably around two- I have seen her learn to walk, Oh her smile is SO contagious!
Daughter Center, where I work, has a day care. This allows the girls that work there to bring there children to work. They are all adorable. When I have a hard day, I go sit with them. There is something about children, that lights something up in me.
Recently I have been more involved with Children's cases in the Social Work department. About two months ago, I really had to advocate for a little girl. He was born premature, and because of this she had several breathing problems.
I usually don't meet with the clients directly- my role is to empower the Khmer Social workers, but if you have to go for Home visits, there must be two. So I went on a couple visits to this family. The last one was in the hospital.
She wanted to go to her providence. In Cambodia, you live in community. When you have a child -the community surrounds you and cares for your baby and YOU. You get to rest. She was tired and getting sick, she had been in the hospital for 2 weeks caring for her baby. She wanted to go home and be with her family. But this is about a hour from a hospital and about 4 hours from the city, with more advance hospitals. I begged. Her baby ideally need to stay another month, and was still having trouble breathing.
But she went. I told her I wasn't mad. I respect her decision. And that I would be praying for her family.
That was the 2nd time I have ever cried at work. I thought this baby will die. When I talked to the nurses, they said the chances are high, very high.
We called her the following week, she was doing well. She was so surprised we called. I had begged numerous times, yet she went. She didn't understand. We told her we care about her and her child, we want to support her where ever she is.
So its been 6 weeks. I went to America. I was nervous to ask last week.
They are BOTH doing well. Praise God. This baby wasn't suppose to make it. She did. They plan to come back in the coming months. The mother wants to continue to work at Daughters. (we allow maternity leave)
Its hard, not all stories end like this. But oh when they do- I know its worth it. Love, Love those around you, even when they don't listen, or you think they are "making a mistake, even a BIG mistake", pray pray hard. Remember we have the God of the universe on our side.
This is my hope. The God of the universe. Baby stories CRUSH me. Abortion CRUSHES me. God is my Hope. He will take care of all the baby, on Earth or in heaven!
this is the book i am reading. It is about the church and some how along the way we came up with this idea that we shouldn't talk about struggles or brokenness that you I and have in our hearts. but to walk around and act like we got it all together. BUT she talks about how we can change all that and create a sanctuary that He designed the church to be.
this is a very bad synopsis and she puts it a lot better than me......
so tonight my mother asked me; are you sad? your posts are sometimes sad.
so today i want permissions to talk about brokenness.
or not really permissions- but I am telling you this is a place where I am going to talk about the brokenness I see in the world, those around, and in myself. but I hope each blog leaves you with the hope of the Lord.
That most days I don't have the answers to why there is so much brokenness in the world, or the unfair stories i hear about- but I do know and trust in the big guy upstairs, and He shows up.
I dont want to ever pretend that this brokenness doesn't exist, I want to cry out for my brother and sisters who are in their brokenness and pray for more of that unending grace that the cross gives us because He died for us. So you and I can be whole once again- how we were designed to be.
this is why I write about the brokenness i see. because it points to the wholeness that He offers.
and that He is dying for us to see.
remember how he runs out to the prodigal son, RUNS.
This week in Khmer class we learned how to describe emotions. I learned that for every one khmer word there are about 50 English words. It is simplistic. Makes learning simple :)
This week my heart was heavy. My heart broke. I could use a hundred different English words to describe what my heart was feeling but if I said it in Khmer- I would simply say, "I have feelings of a difficult heart."
During my afternoons I have the privilege of working with the social work team at Daughters, the organization I volunteer my time. The team is made up of 4 amazing Khmer staff and a wonderful British social work supervisor. We are in the process of training, encouraging and helping the Khmer staff who is not educationally trained in counselling/social work. I love getting to use my degree/training to help this staff pour into the ladies that Daughters serves.
The past week we have had some difficult cases and to be honest- I have had feelings of a difficult heart. I am not numb to the ladies' stories and I hope I never get numb. This week there was a specifically hard case, that involved a child that has just weighed heavy on my heart.
This child is a bundle of joy, but on most days she isn't treated as the delight that she is.
It is not fair.
She is three. It is not fair for anyone, no matter the age.
I lived moment to moment this week for her. I learned that sometimes I can't "do" anything. But in those times when you need a miracle, you have to pray and ask for one.
I cried out for her safety, for there to be away. We looked into every avenue, trying to find ways to get this girl justice, a way to bring change to her life so that her days would not continue the way they have been.
I found out this week what it means to pray about everything and not be anxious about anything. At the end of each day this week we were left with feelings of hopelessness and defeat. We knew that all we could do is pray, and EVERY TIME the Lord showed up. He always provided a way for her to be safe...just in that moment. And eventually a smooth conversation about her future...which lead to now a loving home for her!
I am grateful this week. I am grateful for having feelings of a difficult heart. It brought me to my knees, it brought me to pray, to say I can't do anything but Lord you can.
And He did.
Now I know why she has so much joy- He gives it to her.
or people just say it (me included) when things get tough or making a decision.
but do we realized the power behind it.
To trust in what we dont see-
I don't see the girls I work with lives at home.
I dont get to know their futures
10 years
5 years
or tomorrow
(well before it happens)
But I have to trust the Lord knows.
but I dont see my own future
10 years
5 years
or tomorrow
either
I have to walk trusting something.
Something in each of us trust that tomorrow will come.
trust that I will be safe, that I will be ok, trust that where He is taking me I will be more than okay.
A couple weeks ago I kinda freaked out like where will I be in 2 years. its like the magic question people asked me before I left. What will you do when you get back? in my head I was like hey I haven't even left...
I got asked that this week by my cambodia friend Da. What will I do after two years.
this was probably the first time i was honest- I have NO IDEA. because I really have no idea where I will be in two years.
I dont think anyone does.
we plan
we walk around and act like we know what life will look like.
and you might turn out right.
but i hope you don't
I hope that you just take a chance and TRUST the Lord.
sit and be still and listen.
Ask Him where He wants you to go. Where He wants to go. Where He wants you to stay. Where He wants you to love.
and you TRUST- in the unseen. in what our unseen God is speaking to your heart- even if it seems impossible. against everything. TRUST!
I would of never got here with out that. and I wouldn't of changed anything.
I am not saying everyday has been easy.
but everyday I am reminded I am right where I am "suppose" to be.
because I trust in the crazy unseen God.
Even when my dad was in the hospital and everything in me yearned to be back home holding my dads hand.
at the end of the day - I trusted in that small voice that said "i knew this would happen yet I still called you here."
I have to trust.
I have to trust that the Lord has the girls/boys, that I work with or see on the street, lives in His hands. That he will take care of them. I have to trust. I don't always get to see the whole story.
That the Big guy upstairs knows what He is doing. We have to trust. Plus it makes things more exciting :)
Yesterday, I realized Jesus spent a lot of his time out with the people. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit in my house all day- but Cambodia is a pretty hopping place in the morning. And I was thinking I think if Jesus was hanging out here - He would go out and have breakfast with the people.
So, I decided today I want to IN Cambodia more. This morning my roomie Elise and I went to "Karen's Joint". "Karen's Joint" is in the middle of the russian market. There are multiple "cafes of sorts" that you can sit at. So we woke up, rode our bikes to the market and ate at "karen's joint".
In Cambodia, the people eat noodle and rice for breakfast. You may be thinking "what?", so did I the first time I heard this. But today I decided to jump on the band wagon.
We went to Karens- she usually only offers us fried noodle or fried rice- but everytime I go I see locals eating something different. So today I told Karen I want something different. So we had chicken soup- it was khmer noodles (the thin white ones- I don't know the official name), chicken, green onions, and I am sure some other flavors.
It was delicious!
I love being in the market in when it is hopping! So many people. At our table- their was a mom and her little girl, then a young khmer woman, and then two miengs (means aunt in Khmer but its how I would address a women who is older than me) that were dressed nicely- they were meeting a friend.
I love to be in the mix of things.
I love cambodia!
I didn't take a picture today- but here is an older picture I found- its the "cafe across from Karen's very similar to where I was sitting today- to give you a mental picture :)
I laughed listening to Elise sing Khmer Christmas songs while Steph and I rode away on my bike.
I smiled as the cutest old women (who barely had teeth), walk up to me, stare at my hair, and tell me my hair was beautiful and good!
I cried out to the Lord after I visited the center today. I have come to understand Khmer culture. The good and the sad. I cried out to Lord asking Him, why can it be cultural for women to stay with a man who beats her, talks down to her, sleeps with other women, and hits their child. People say its a mindset?
Why! Why is that cultural? I don't want to fight a culture. I am not one to say another culture is wrong. But how do you change a mindset?
I want her to know her WORTH. I want her to know the way YOU see her, Lord!
I rejoiced when the Lord softly said- I never asked you to change a culture. I ask you to tell them about me. I will change her heart, and when I change her heart, that's when a mindset changes.
I rejoiced when I realized just because she doesn't see her worth doesn't mean she doesn't have it. And it doesn't mean that the Lord doesn't have a plan.
I wept when I listened to this song.
"Your love never quits
It never quits chasing her soul
You never give up on her
Papa you won't let go of her"
"you never stop chasing her soul"
I will never give up on this truth! I will never give up on the Lords plan!
He never quits, even when I do, even when I feel defeated- He gives it ALL for us!
And not just her but him as well. The man that hurts her- I have to remember the Lord is echasing after his heart too! Nothing is to far fetched for the Lord- His love is so big- so deep, it NEVER STOPS!!!!!!!!
I rejoiced in this truth!!
I went to school and I rejoiced in getting to ask my teacher when she became a christian (in khmer :) )
And as I was walking out of the building - I danced with the little girl who works there - she is probably 15 and she works part time there and I twirled her around - attempted to teach her a little two step!
A perfect day, a perfect end, to dance !!!!!
He never gives up on us!!
REJOICE IN THIS, WEEP IN THIS, DANCE IN THIS, LAUGH IN THIS, CRY OUT TO TH
About two weeks ago, the team and I went to a conference with Chab Dai. They are an organization to bring all the Christian organization in Cambodia fighting human trafficking together; to help each other, put on training, share resources, ect. Its a beautiful thing really- to no compete against each other but to come together and help and build up one another.
Their focus for this conference was media with dignity and respect. We talked a lot about things you put out on the internet, stories and pictures and how we present Cambodia and the people we serve. Making sure we are not victimizing them again- or get wrapped up in what the donors what to see.
People like the drama, but we want to spread the hope. The redemption side of the story, about what God is doing and how He is moving.
But we do need to explain the problem.
That's where statistics and facts come in- but some people are not as attached to those or stirred by them.
Well this week I found a stat that shook me to my core.
24000 street kids in Phnom Penh.
Thats mostly boys because the girls don't make it to the street, they are either sold or taken in up off the street in a "job offer" to sell themselves.
This breaks me.
I want to tell you the other side, the hope part of the story, but I don't know it yet.
