meredithtrlica - difficult heart

This week in Khmer class we learned how to describe emotions. I learned that for every one khmer word there are about 50 English words. It is simplistic. Makes learning simple :)

This week my heart was heavy. My heart broke. I could use a hundred different English words to describe what my heart was feeling but if I said it in Khmer- I would simply say, "I have feelings of a difficult heart."

During my afternoons I have the privilege of working with the social work team at Daughters, the organization I volunteer my time. The team is made up of 4 amazing Khmer staff and a wonderful British social work supervisor. We are in the process of training, encouraging and helping the Khmer staff who is not educationally trained in counselling/social work. I love getting to use my degree/training to help this staff pour into the ladies that Daughters serves.

The past week we have had some difficult cases and to be honest- I have had feelings of a difficult heart. I am not numb to the ladies' stories and I hope I never get numb. This week there was a specifically hard case, that involved a child that has just weighed heavy on my heart.

This child is a bundle of joy, but on most days she isn't treated as the delight that she is.

It is not fair.

She is three. It is not fair for anyone, no matter the age.

I lived moment to moment this week for her. I learned that sometimes I can't "do" anything. But in those times when you need a miracle, you have to pray and ask for one.

I cried out for her safety, for there to be away. We looked into every avenue, trying to find ways to get this girl justice, a way to bring change to her life so that her days would not continue the way they have been.

I found out this week what it means to pray about everything and not be anxious about anything. At the end of each day this week we were left with feelings of hopelessness and defeat. We knew that all we could do is pray, and EVERY TIME the Lord showed up. He always provided a way for her to be safe...just in that moment. And eventually a smooth conversation about her future...which lead to now a loving home for her!

I am grateful this week. I am grateful for having feelings of a difficult heart. It brought me to my knees, it brought me to pray, to say I can't do anything but Lord you can.

And He did.

Now I know why she has so much joy- He gives it to her.